I have always looked for patterns in my life, and on birthdays, I tend to look at the factors of my age and reflect on them. That is to say, at 21, my life seemed to be made of three 7 year long segments; at 32, two sixteen year segments.. and I have always found prime number ages ominous, mainly because you can't tell what to make of them. And 47 was a little bit like that.
48. Neatly displays one's life in four 12 year segments. Like the chatur-ashrama of textbook Hindu lives. 1-12 childhood. 13-24 student life. 25-36 householder's life. Of course... this is not how I have lived, nor how my life's segments are best categorized. That said, 48 says something to me about my life.
48 says to me it's time to move on. To another life-stage. It seems to me to be a beginning of the next 12 years, an important transition somehow. A time to move out of getting, owning, being to something else.. becoming, perhaps? I don't completely understand these words either but I feel compelled to write them.
In these 12 years, I have to simplify my life. I just know it. It cannot be so full of bells, whistles, objects, appurtenances, attachments, agendas, anxieties and suchlike. It has to become simpler. सरल. सहज.
So this morning, I want to start this phase by making some small changes. (And yes, I don't need to do this publicly, but I strongly feel the need to express this moment.)
Simple changes.
I am going to start giving away things.
I am giving up buying silk. I will still wear silk that I have but also start giving that away, maybe.
I also hope I will not buy leather again.
I am taking back time for reading and writing. I will really now relegate other things to the margins and the interstices.
I want to make time for silence. I don't know how, but I will try.
I will make time for the yoga and the meditation that will help me in this transition.
That's all, for now. That's quite a lot, really. If all this seems natural to me after a few years, then I will make more changes.
But 48 is really a call to action and movement.
At the end of these 12 years, I want to be a person of few wants, simple needs, equanimity and silence.
Why? I don't need to but I want to answer this question also. The answer is a mix of many things.
வைராக்கியம். வெறுப்பு. The draw of "vanaprasthashrama" from somewhere deep inside my heart. The instinct that there is somewhere else I have to be, and this is a way-station. Exhaustion. The deeply ingrained rhythm and value of a civilization--something that says there is a better way to live. Even though, I am not sure that I am ready for any of this, I cannot today sit still and stagnant.
48 says, enough of thrashing about here, complaining. It's your life, pick up the litter and keep moving.
48. Neatly displays one's life in four 12 year segments. Like the chatur-ashrama of textbook Hindu lives. 1-12 childhood. 13-24 student life. 25-36 householder's life. Of course... this is not how I have lived, nor how my life's segments are best categorized. That said, 48 says something to me about my life.
48 says to me it's time to move on. To another life-stage. It seems to me to be a beginning of the next 12 years, an important transition somehow. A time to move out of getting, owning, being to something else.. becoming, perhaps? I don't completely understand these words either but I feel compelled to write them.
In these 12 years, I have to simplify my life. I just know it. It cannot be so full of bells, whistles, objects, appurtenances, attachments, agendas, anxieties and suchlike. It has to become simpler. सरल. सहज.
So this morning, I want to start this phase by making some small changes. (And yes, I don't need to do this publicly, but I strongly feel the need to express this moment.)
Simple changes.
I am going to start giving away things.
I am giving up buying silk. I will still wear silk that I have but also start giving that away, maybe.
I also hope I will not buy leather again.
I am taking back time for reading and writing. I will really now relegate other things to the margins and the interstices.
I want to make time for silence. I don't know how, but I will try.
I will make time for the yoga and the meditation that will help me in this transition.
That's all, for now. That's quite a lot, really. If all this seems natural to me after a few years, then I will make more changes.
But 48 is really a call to action and movement.
At the end of these 12 years, I want to be a person of few wants, simple needs, equanimity and silence.
Why? I don't need to but I want to answer this question also. The answer is a mix of many things.
வைராக்கியம். வெறுப்பு. The draw of "vanaprasthashrama" from somewhere deep inside my heart. The instinct that there is somewhere else I have to be, and this is a way-station. Exhaustion. The deeply ingrained rhythm and value of a civilization--something that says there is a better way to live. Even though, I am not sure that I am ready for any of this, I cannot today sit still and stagnant.
48 says, enough of thrashing about here, complaining. It's your life, pick up the litter and keep moving.
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